


Never had that

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drama, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-20
Updated: 2011-05-20
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:43:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8703604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Some things Dean has never had.  Dean and Sam.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Dean gets to thinking...

Dean gets to thinking on the odd occasions, usually when he's alone, usually when he's drunk. Like tonight for example he's had a row with Sam and Sam took off like a frightened rabbit, out the door and gone faster than the speed of light.

 

Dean gets to drinking when this sort of thing happens, and gets to thinking of all the things he's never had and he makes a list. Never had a home, never had a mom for more than a few years, his dad was absent more than he was around. He's never known or ever really wanted to know what it felt like to belong. He's missed out on stuff he should have been involved with at school, like trials for the football team, and any of the after school activities. Under normal conditions would he have been that interested.

 

The bottle contents sloshed around as he reached for the remote and turns the TV sound up just that little bit more. He's drinking now thinking of what he's lost, he can't think positive right now.

 

He's lost his mother, father, friends, work colleagues and now his brother all because he can't face reality.

 

He needs to feel something but the years of travelling have made it impossible, taken away his ability to feel like a normal human being. He's feeling sorry for himself for sure and he's never had the guidance to pull himself out of the selfish actions he is so guilty of acting out. He thinks of himself a great deal, does occasionally put his brother first but not often. He thinks of his own pleasure before that of anyone else.

 

Well he did all that and more until recently when he found Sam, really found Sam that is. Found the warmth of an embrace, the solidness of a relationship that was founded on mutual fondness. It shocked him sometimes how easily they slipped into the relationship mode, and how easily he could destroy it with a few words or actions.

 

He'd gone too far this time, and with that thought buzzing in his head he fell asleep the empty bottle slipping from his fingers and the TV blaring away.

 

When Dean woke he was in bed, undressed, his head felt muzzy and his mouth felt like the back end of a horse. He was aware the TV was silent and that there was someone in the room with him. He blinked against the peep of light from the bathroom and saw a tall figure, broad shoulders oh so familiar. If this was a trick of his drunken imagination Dean was going to be a drunk forever.

 

The image or mirage in front of him spoke asking gently if he felt okay, Dean said nothing and looked at the figure bathed in light from the dingy bathroom. He nodded his head and slipped his arm out of the bed to take the hand of the man who meant more to him than anything.

 

Dean may not have had much as a youngster, may have lost so much but he knew he had gained so much more recently. Sam was his saviour, his friend and above all his lover.

 

Sam smiled and said it was okay.


End file.
